Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
