words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests š
āOn a breakā is implied when itās a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
