youre lurking in front of me
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
