Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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