You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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