wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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