i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
