'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
