and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm at about main and main street
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize