summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
