i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
