My cat gives me a boner
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
