You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
