I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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