fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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