Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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