Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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