This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
