just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
