yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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