Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
