Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
