office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
