She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
