very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
