Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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