Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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