Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
