is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
