Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
