i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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