my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize