WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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