just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize