Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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