so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
