Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
