My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
