The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My feet surprised me
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