i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
