dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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