i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
