I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
