New low: just hacked my moms facebook
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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