went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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