i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
