You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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