The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
