do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
