yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
