I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
