he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
