Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
