i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
