just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize