i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
