the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize