They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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