I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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