what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
