Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
