Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
