At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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