Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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