i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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