my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
