Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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