my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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