he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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