So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just had sex on a roof
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
