The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
