dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
