is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
His nipple licking is glorious
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